my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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