your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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