at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
farters have to be the big spoon...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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