Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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