party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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