I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Drunk is not a location!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
