I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
