I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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