Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Randomize
