i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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