We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
