a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
