I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
