One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
