He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
