i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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