I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
