We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
