so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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