I wanna bring you to show and tell
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
