im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So much Jack, so little girl.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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