Your favorite bartender is back from prision
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize