Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Houston, we have a squirter
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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