i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
