I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
