and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
