Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
