The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
