whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
