Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
