i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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