I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
