I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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