Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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