he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
