a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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