I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
