My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
