Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
