Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
