I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize