Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
