some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize