Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Randomize
