I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
