I think i peed on brittanys purse
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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