Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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