omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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