the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
