you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
