She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
