i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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