This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
