i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
