We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize