YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
