My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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