Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
