Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
