Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
