Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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