I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize