I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
