She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
