I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
