he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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