What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
