I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize