I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
