I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I smell stomach acid.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
