My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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