4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
