apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
