There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
