Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
