His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
