The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
