This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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