i just had sex bonerless
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Gay?
German.
Pity.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
