Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
