I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
