Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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