Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
