we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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