Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My balls are so social today.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
