Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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