pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize