we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
