just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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