STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
